


Begin to Breathe

by Ava_Dakedavra



Series: The Amazing Adventures of Spider-Em and Abbypool [1]
Category: Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, how do you even tag spidersona stuff, im so confused, kind of like an origin story? but with Pain, like its SO AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-14
Updated: 2019-05-14
Packaged: 2020-03-04 23:05:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18822589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ava_Dakedavra/pseuds/Ava_Dakedavra
Summary: There was something peaceful and serene about scaling the tallest building she could find, climbing to the very top, and sitting on the edge with her feet dangling over the city. Of course, if she didn’t have spider powers, she might have never discovered this feeling of looking over the city lights, breathing in the cool night air, and feeling small. She wasn’t sure what was so comforting about feeling small, but it did nonetheless, especially on bad nights.Especially on that day.





	Begin to Breathe

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! So, first things first - this isn't necessarily a self-insert character? Well, she might've started off as that, but she's definitely become her own, and I'm so excited to flesh out Em's character and get to know her and her story even more.   
> Secondly, DarthAbby has created Abbypool, and should be showing their part of the Angst Exchange soon enough.   
> Thirdly, any nasty comments shall be vastly ignored. This ain't my first rodeo 'round these parts of the Internet, pardner.

There was something peaceful and serene about scaling the tallest building she could find, climbing to the very top, and sitting on the edge with her feet dangling over the city. Of course, if she didn’t have spider powers, she might have never discovered this feeling of looking over the city lights, breathing in the cool night air, and feeling small. She wasn’t sure what was so comforting about feeling small, but it did nonetheless, especially on bad nights.

Especially on that day. 

 

She’d gone to her classes, sat through a painfully boring trigonometry lesson and stared at the pretty male model that always stood in her drawing classes. She hadn’t gotten much beyond a gesture sketch, and that had taken at least an hour and she wasn’t even particularly pleased with it. 

 

She’d gotten coffee with Abby, plastering on a fake smile and listening to her talk about her classes, how the professors were assholes and how William Shakespeare was clearly bi, and breathed a little easier when her friend had been none the wiser. 

 

She just had to get through the day. Just a few more hours, and maybe she could breathe. Maybe her head would unfog, her mind would clear, and she could get things back to the normal she’d so carefully constructed. 

 

But, that was the thing, wasn’t it? She wasn’t normal, not anymore, not  _ since -  _

 

_ “You gotta run, you gotta go, baby, it’s okay - I’ll be okay.” _

 

He’d lied. 

 

Spider-Woman, decked in a wine red and black suit, tugged off the mask and choked on a sob, red hair spilling out and tangling around her face as she tried to hold it back, keep it all in, she’d been doing so  _ well. _

 

They’d met in elementary school, not paying much attention to the other until middle school. They’d been friends for the few years leading up to high school, because Emma Jean Hart was determined to get to a kickass college and get out of that small town. They’d been dating all through high school, the epitome of high school sweethearts, when they graduated together, happy and smiling and making plans to move out together. He’d asked about rings, and flowers, and she’d rolled her eyes and smiled but would hum the wedding march when he wasn’t around. 

 

He’d been so brave, so much braver than her, and he’d gotten a job as an security guard in their last semester at a fancy science lab that was a thirty minute drive from home. It’d been enough for them to move into a small apartment together, scrounging and saving until she could hear back about scholarships, and then they’d go from there. It was a large company, she remembered, and had labs nearly around the world, several in New York alone. 

 

Em clutched the glass windows behind her, feeling her fingertips stick as she sought stability, even as she became unstable. All she needed was to breathe, to get her head screwed back on, that was  _ it _ , why couldn’t she just - ?

  
She’d driven to his work to meet him, because they had a date planned. Pick him up from work, dinner, walk to the theater that was just down the street so they wouldn’t have to find parking. She’d waited in a lab for him, examining terrariums and wondering what was supposed to be inside of them. She wasn’t aware that a particularly sneaky spider had crawled through a crack in its glass cage, snuck up her sleeve, and delivered a barely noticeable bite to the back of her neck. Nobody had even noticed the experimental spider was missing until hours later. 

 

It’d been a late showing, nearly midnight when they got out of the theater. She couldn’t remember what movie it’d been, just that it’d been terrible and they had been laughing about it, his arm slung over her shoulders and tucking her into his side to keep her warm. She had the ticket stub somewhere, in the bottom of an old purse if she had to guess. She had the strongest urge to dig it out, to tear apart the storage container she paid rent to to keep all of the things from her old life, to hold it in her hands and ground herself. 

 

“I could do better,” he’d insisted, laughing under the golden glow of the streetlamps as they walked back to the car. They were only a few blocks away. 

 

“Could you, now?” she’d asked, grinning up at him. He had such a lovely laugh, such a sweet smile. She’d wanted to grow old to that laugh. “Going to give up being a powerful muscleman and become an actor, are we?” 

 

He softened, brushing her hair away from her face. She’d had bangs then, skimming her forehead and giving her opportunities to hide while they were in high school. “I don’t think so,” he mused, tucking her hair behind her ears. “I think I’d like to remain where I am, maybe take up the military on their offer they had for me. Richard wants to do something sciencey, so maybe we can make it a family business.” 

 

She hummed - she liked his little brother, liked his whole family, actually. They’d welcomed her with open arms, understood when she needed to crash on their couch because things weren’t great with her own family and it was easier just not going home. 

 

“And, as we know, great power comes with great responsibility,” he insisted, puffing out his chest as she grinned. “The powerful and responsible Parker brothers are the only ones capable of what we’ve got planned.”

 

She laughed, and even now she could picture it. The two of them working side by side, Richard making all kinds of experiments and Ben, her sweet Ben, watching out for him and making sure he was safe. Ben had a habit of making sure everyone was safe. 

 

So it wasn’t out of character for him to step in front of her when the man in the mask cornered them with a knife, asking for her purse and his wallet, and to empty their pockets. 

 

“You gotta run, you gotta go, baby, it’s okay - I’ll be okay,” Ben had promised, watching her cry as the man held a knife to his throat. 

 

“Don’t hurt him, don’t hurt him,” she’d begged, dropping her purse, tossing her phone and keys on top of it and holding up her hands. “Please, don’t - !”

 

Someone down the street had shouted, and the man had been startled and - 

 

Em nearly vomited, crying so hard that it felt like she might, picturing Ben in her arms, bleeding bleeding bleeding, so much  _ blood _ \- 

 

She nearly fell when her phone chimed, using her heels to prop up against the building to fish it out of her pocket. Because what was the point of being able to customize your suit and not include pockets, she’d always said. 

 

She didn’t recognize the number beyond the area code, one that everyone in her county had back in that small town. 

 

She sniffed, caught her breath, and held the phone up to her ear. “Hello?” she asked, wincing at the sound of her own voice. 

 

“Err, hi?” a man on the other end asked, just as confused as she was. “Uhh, is this May? May Hart?” 

 

Em groaned in the back of her throat. Now there was an old name, one that everyone she’d grown up with had used, because ‘Emma Jean’ had been hard for all of those tiny kids, and she hadn’t minded her middle name much until... 

 

“You must be confused, I don’t go by that anymore,” she admitted, and she was so, so tired. It was such a long day, and she wanted it to be over with already.

 

“What was - ? Oh! Emma Jean, wait, don’t hang up!” the man begged, and she blinked. His voice had cracked. How old was this guy? “It’s me! Richard! Richard Parker!”

 

All at once it clicked, and she gaped as she placed the scrawny pre-teen that must surely be graduating high school by now. “Richard? Oh my God! Hi!”

 

“Hi,” Richard echoed, and Em knew that she wasn’t alone in getting through today. “How are you?”

 

Em sighed, looking out across the cityscape, trying to put her breakdown behind her despite still seeing Ben in her arms in her mind’s eye. “I’ve...been better. You?” 

 

“Yeah,” he agreed, quieting, “Been better too. Where are you, anyway?” 

 

“New York,” she answered. 

 

“The big apple?” he asked, and she hummed in affirmative. “Sounds nice. I’d like to visit, one day.” 

 

“You should,” she said, smiling softly. “We can go get coffee.”

 

“I’d like that,” he said before sucking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly. “Listen, May - ”

 

“I go by Em, now,” she corrected. 

 

Richard was silent for a moment or two, before conceding. “Em...we need to... _ I _ need to...tell you something. About...that night.” 

 

Em felt her throat closing up again, the tears welling up, and cleared her throat to try to fix it. “Yeah? What about it?” 

 

“Well…” he quieted, mulling things over, before speaking again. “Ben, he...he told me something, about a week before… Mom told me to keep it to myself, to let you get on with your life, but I thought you should know.” 

  
“Out with it, Richard,” she sighed. 

 

“Right,” he said, steeling his nerves. “He was going to propose. When the police gave Mom his belongings, there was an engagement ring.” 

 

Em fell silent, staring unseeingly out at the lights. She only stirred when Richard called for her from the other end of the phone, asking for her. “Yeah, I’m here. I know. He talked about it alot. I just didn’t know when.” 

 

Richard barked a quiet laugh, surprised. “He was horrible at surprises. Ruined my ninth birthday - told me I got a new bike before I’d even brushed my teeth.” 

 

She laughed too, because that was her Ben. “Yeah, he told me what he got me for every holiday before it even came up. I knew what I would get for Valentine’s Day before Christmas was even over with.” 

 

Richard laughed, feeling lighter since he’d told her the secret that must have been plaguing him for two years. “What are you up to nowadays, anyway?”

 

“College,” she answered, because she wasn’t about to tell Richard that she was now New York’s finest webslinging superhero. Although, knowing Richard, he would be  _ thrilled.  _ “Art major. I’ve got a few years left. Aren’t you graduating soon?”

 

“I am - in May,” he answered. “Would you...if you wanted to come down for it, I’d be happy to see you. Mom would too.” 

 

“I’d like that,” she hummed, leaning back against the glass and feeling the cool touch of it through her suit. Abby could surely watch over the city for a few days while she saw her...well, while she saw family. Because the Parkers were family to her, until she could find her own, and maybe even then they’d always be family. 

 

“I’m, uhh, thinking of proposing,” Richard said, and Em grinned at how  _ shy _ he was. “Her name’s Mary. I think you’d like her.” 

 

“Following in your brother’s footsteps in wanting to jump into marriage just after high school, huh?” Em clucked, laughing when she heard him scoff into the receiver. 

 

“Well, you know us Parker men,” he said, laughing as well before asking. “Do you approve?” 

 

“Tentatively,” she teased, brushing her hair back from her face, “I’ll have to meet her in May to be sure.” 

 

“Good, I’ll get started on hunting a ring down,” Richard said. 

 

Em was silent once more, chewing on her lip before saying “Give her mine.” 

 

“What?” 

 

“Give her the one Ben wanted to give me,” Em whispered, hugging herself. 

 

“Are you sure?” Richard asked. 

 

“Someone should wear it,” she shrugged, knowing full well that he couldn’t see it. “Besides, not like I could...not without Ben.” 

 

Richard was silent, mulling it over himself, before he asked, “How  _ are _ you?”

 

She closed her eyes, rubbing the heel of her palm against her eye, and took stock of everything. Losing Ben, gaining these powers, moving to New York, losing Ben, becoming a hero, befriending a mercenary, losing Ben, getting through college, scraping by for money, losing  _ Ben _ ….

  
“I’m tired,” she answered simply. “You?”

 

“Me too,” he said. “Listen, I gotta go, but...I’ll call again, okay?” 

 

“Yeah, I’ll keep in touch,” she promised, smiling. “Take care of yourself, kiddo.”

 

“You too,” he insisted. “Ben wouldn’t want...he loved you.” 

 

Em took a deep breath, letting it out as she looked down at the long drop that awaited her. “I know.” 

 

“Bye, Ma- Em. Bye, Em.” 

 

Her mouth quirked into a grin, “Bye, Richard.” 

 

The call dropped, she breathed in again, replaced her mask, and slowly - ever so slowly - tipped forward. She felt the ledge slip from her feet, saw the world tumble around her as she fell. 

 

She wondered what the future might have held for her back then, what Ben might’ve thought of her powers and how she was handling that responsibility, if she would’ve chosen the same path for herself if Ben had been along to help her. 

 

She breathed out, saw the city blurring alongside her as the ground came closer and closer, and felt a little lighter as she slowly closed her eyes. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Em slipped in to Abby’s apartment through the fire escape, helping herself to a soda from the fridge and plopping onto the sofa beside her friend, who had her laptop perched on her knees and a blanket over her lap. 

 

Abby, to her credit, didn’t even look up from her screen, merely lifting the blanket up for Em to place over her own lap. “Wanna talk about it, or want to not think about it?” 

 

Em scooted her mask up across the bridge of her nose, took a long swig from the can, exhaling harshly before she set it on the coffee table in front of her. “Not think about it,” she answered. 

 

Abby nodded, looking at the screen as Em tugged her mask completely off and got comfy on the couch. “It’s a new Buzzfeed Unsolved episode,” she explained. 

 

“True crime or paranormal?” Em asked, scooting in closer. 

 

“Paranormal,” Abby answered, grinning as Em gave a pleased hum and got invested. “Won’t top Bigfoot, though.”

 

“Bigfoot’s  _ clearly _ a top, but Mothman’s a powerbottom,” Em mumbled, grinning when her friend began cackling. She tipped her head onto her shaking shoulder, wrapping the blanket around her shoulders, and gave a slow, quiet exhale. 

 

She wasn’t sure if next year would be easier or worse, or if she’d break down crying at Richard’s graduation in May, or if she’d even be able to force herself to attend. But the important thing was that she’d gotten through today, and the day was nearly over, and that was all that mattered. 

 

“What’s the ticket stub for?” Abby asked. “Did you see a movie?” 

 

Em regarded the pink square paper in her grasp, faded so much that she couldn’t tell what movie they’d seen two years ago. “Long time ago, yeah.” 

 

Abby shifted, clearly wanting to ask, but not wanting to press. That was a good part of their friendship - they knew bad things had happened, but that was all they’d needed to know. Em wasn’t entirely sure what had happened to Abby to make her Abby, let alone what had made her Deadpool, but that wasn’t her business to know. Just like the entire story of how Em became Spider-Woman wasn’t something she wanted to share. No one needed to know about the lab, or the spider, or what had happened to May Hart and that night two years ago. 

 

They were silent for a few more moments, Em paying more attention to the ticket stub as she thumbed it, and the episode was just wrapping up when Em shifted and held the stub firmly in both hands. 

  
“His name was Ben,” she whispered. 

 

Abby nodded, placed a hand on her forearm, and Em felt like she could finally,  _ finally _ breathe again. 


End file.
